About Us

About Ifyouwerazombie.com

Since 1967, Ifyouwereazombie.com has been serving the lucrative online zombie greeting card and personal defense market.  Our group of dedicated professionals have created a vertically-oriented, web 2.0, online application web portal site featuring RSS fed, open-source, virus-free, AJAX technology in a blogging, podcast-capable, advertiser platform network that aggregates search and builds community interaction SQL databases while leveraging the power of the internet to connect users who share photos and video content for download in DRM-free proprietary open-formats in a family-friendly massively multiplayer, instant-messaging mobile ecommerce environment.


Our Users

Since its launch, ifyouwereazombie.com has seen an increase in traffic of over 900%, a bounce rate under 100%, daily page views, registered users and screen resolutions up to 1920x1200. 99% of our users are in a lucrative age bracket with household incomes and an English vocabulary of at least "click here".


Our Employees

Ifyouwereazombie.com was founded by people just like you, only smarter.  We are pro-environment, consumer-oriented, patriotic big business globalists and anti-war, might-is-right, peace-loving, enthusiastic supporters of the military industrial complex.  We believe in open-borders with anti-immigration, fiscally conservative, Democratically liberal, Republican ideals of expensive social programs without big government or lower taxes.  We support your troops and are against your enemies.  We don't like Ron Paul.


Our Infrastructure

Our company network operates on a completely unscalable Linux Windows server using Apple X-Serve technology from IBM running on Intel Athlon 8-core Pentium processors with over 256k of memory. Our pages are served wirelessly over optical fiber, fat-pipe, unclogged, inter-web tubes.  None of us owns a Zune.


Zombie Labs

Ifyouwereazombie.com encourages all its employees to spend at least 30 minutes of their lunch hour on personal projects that can be patented and owned exclusively by ifyouwereazombie.com.  These projects are half completed and given a "Beta" label to limit our liability while you do our user testing.  If after several years, a competitor shows they can successfully run a similar site, we might link to our project on a page buried behind an obscure keyword on a third-level page.  Carefully timed press releases about the vast future potential will be issued on a schedule roughly coinciding with our board members' pre-determined stock-vesting timetable.


Our Finances

Ifyouwereazombie.com is in its 37th round of venture capital funding and hopes to go public at a time that makes sense only for its investors, without regard to employees or business plans.  Our current burn rate is massive and we anticipate our next round of funding to start at 3pm Tuesday.  Ifyouwerazombie.com currently owns 300 aircraft for exorbitant personal travel exclusively by our founders at company expense. 


Charity

As far as you know, ifyouwereazombie.com participates in various tax-deductible, charity programs.  We occasionally give our spare change (not quarters!) to the guy by the Starbucks so he'll go away.  We have also given thousands of dollars to a down-on-his-luck prince from Nigeria.  If you are a member of a charity organization and would like information on participation in company programs, please contact us at our un-monitored email account.


Web Site Design and Development

Ifyouwereazombie.com was designed and developed through the kind support of Christopher Green Design at christophergreen.com

We can't say enough good things about Christopher Green Design.  They did everything.  They developed the initial web site wireframes, designed the logo, created ecard illustrations, web site design comps and did the web site programming and development.

Honestly, our next zombie related website will be done by Christopher Green Design.  The are great designers and great web developers.  The process was completely painless and they even smell nice.  Really.  Most web developers are a little stinky-- not Christopher Green Design though.  Minty-fresh all the way.


Contact

If you have any comments or questions for ifyouwereazombie.com, please send them to comments@ifyouwereazombie.com

 

Comments (7) Add Comment
Nathan

I just found and really got into this new manga called Highschool of the Dead. Its pretty much like a Romero Dead film turned comic and based in Japan. If you think it sounds good go check it out. Unless you read Japanese you need to find a scanlation.


Zombini

Speaking of Zombie Webcomics, If you want to read a great story with a fresh look at the Zombie Genre, go to www.everydaydecay.com


Emil

ZoMbIeS!!!!!!!!!!!


Emil

Hey guys, I've watched a cool zombie film and it's called Zombieland! In the movie the zombies were running! I can't believe it! It's crazy. Also I AM LEGEND. I think the zombies look grey.


Emil

Hurry! Send your buddies a card before it's too late!


Dianne Mead

found your site, whilst scouting for birthday cards and images of zombies for my son Sam who is turning 13 on 19 May. Thanks guys for the pleasure of your site. I'll be sure to add it to a couple of sites I have and of course, I will be back.... hopefully as a human still :)


judy berna

Just wanted you to know I'm giving you a shout out in my post for GeekMom.com on Saturday. I've been running a 21 day countdown to the zombie apocalypse and I stumbled upon your website today. Your card are too clever not to share.
Check out GeekMom.com on Saturday, Dec 15, one week before the invasion!

judy berna
geekmom.com



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