The Zombie Equation-- Films don't add up

The Zombie Equation

Zombies are a retarded version of the Terminator.  That is what makes them interesting.  It makes zombies an intellectual exercise in survival against the elements.

None of the team here in the spacious IYWAZ tower is a big fan of zombie movies or excessive gore.  Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate some gore if the story warrants it-for example; Robocop needed the excessive blood to set the tone for the over-the-top, comic-book nature of the film.  Saving Private Ryan wouldn't have been as engaging if the first scene featured a GI storming the beach, randomly clutching his chest and lying on his back with his feet in the air.

Continued after the jump 

For the most part though, zombie movies seem to be made only for the gore.  Sure, zombies are a nasty business, but you really don't need the camera to linger on the zombie tripping over his intestines or on the partially decapitated straggler with an exposed spine.  You don't need to see all the moist, meaty details. 

As I wrote above, zombies are just meat-based robots.  They follow simple rules and can be beat only if you think about your plan and keep your head.  They don't have super-strength.  They can't move faster than a slow walk.  They aren't very coordinated and have trouble opening a door.  They can't plan.  They don't work together.

However, zombies don't sleep.  They don't rest.  They can't be injured.  They are relentless. They can create new zombies just by biting.  Every human they kill becomes a soldier for their side.  Their only weak spot is the destruction of their brain and in most cases they have far superior numbers.  Zombies are a force of nature.  They're hurricane Katrina with a limp.

Zombie movies focus not on the intellectual planning, but on the gruesome demise of the unlikable characters.  In most cases this is just the laziness of the writers.  The writer gets paid for the movie not the word count, so can you really blame them?  Given the choice would you spend hours writing 32 pages of clever dialog or would you just type the sentence, "Bloodied and torn zombies crawl through the windows and smash down the doors" and let the makeup people and director deal with the details?  Yeah, me too.

Comments (9) Add Comment

Stephen Hawkins is FAR from retarded. Whilst your article is amusing, your image choice is dumb.


Actually Hawking was used because he is the smartest person on the planet-- So, Terminator - Intelligence = Zombie. I think you might be confusing Mental Retardation (the clinical term) with physical disability. Hawking is a great inspirational figure to everyone at IYWAZ and he delights in making fun of himself. We could have used a photo of Einstein, but to exclude Hawking just because of his horrible physically, debilitating disease doesn't sit well with us. Hawking shouldn't be ignored or treated differently. His positive attitude despite the unfair situation he finds himself in is truly inspiring. We see a brilliant man when we look at him, what do you see? Thanks for reading.


IYWAZ, i got it. Jess probably didnt understand because he didnt think about what you were saying about how zombies are dumb. i bet stephen hawking would laugh at being part of the "zombie equation"! LOL


Jess. If they used a plus sign in the equation that would be offensive. Since they used a minus sign I think the image is appropriate. I understand how you could be confused if you glance quickly at the image without thinking about it. Hawking is great.


I totally agree with farslayer.

jess is a retard

what a doop ba doop you are jess. i bet you feel though there is egg on your face.


Dude hawkins isent retarded!
Termanator - Smart = Termanator that falls over and runs into a wall

Termanator is not smart, thats just his programing chip, the dude that programed the chip was smart

So termanator - cognitave functions on brain chip = zombie




O_O creepy

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