We Get Letters... Zombies, eh. Take off, hoser.

The Canadian Zombie Conspiracy CSCTUTOTLI co-President  Tyler McDougall writes:

Our people here in the zombie wing at the Canadian Society Counteracting The Unfair Treatment Of The Living Impaired (CSCTUTOTLI) believe that your site is outrageously prejudiced. Zombies are people too and should not be judged by the few of their kind that are actually bad or the stereotypes depicted by television and movies. Most zombies are actually good samaritans and kind people. People like you judge them because they're different. We believe it is because you are jealous that they have been given a second chance at life. Your website is disgraceful and offensive to all of zombie kind and you should learn to get to know a zombie. Most of them are friendly and it may change your opinion about them. In the future, could you please be more considerate and get all the facts before you judge the living impaired. That includes ghosts and vampires too.

Can you see the obvious flaw in his argument?  That's right, he's Canadian.  Never in recorded history has any nation been more evil, more sinister and more confusingly objectionable than the frigid land of Canada. 

Oh, sure, they seem nice.  When you meet a Canadian you are always surprised at how "polite" and "genuine" they act, but this is simply a well-orchestrated cover for their real intentions.  Quick, name a major economic export from Canada.  Nope, snow, bad entertainers and stanky beer don't count. 

As a matter of fact, our researchers in the World Economic Studies Department of IfYouWereAZombie.com (WESDIYWAZ) have been studying this anomaly for quite some time.  It turns out that Canada contributes nothing to the world economy, has no industry to speak of, few natural resources and no sense of humor.

 Everybody knows that most zombies freeze solid every winter and we've all seen the hilarious YouTube videos of uncoordinated zombies attempting to walk on icy sidewalks.  With average temperatures of -120F and six-foot snowdrifts covering the ground 11 months of the year, Canada will never be threatened by a zombie epidemic.

Our investigations show the Canadian government has been serving as the power broker behind Zombie rights organizations such as People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies (PETZ), Zombies are People (ZAP) and now the CSCTUTOTLI.  The Canadian government and its people have been spreading these lies hoping to extend the impact of the Zombie epidemic in the civilized, warm parts of the planet.   Once we've all been eliminated by the zombie horde (and those zombies have been given several years to deteriorate), Canadians will move in, sweep up the mess and finally achieve their long-standing dream of world domination.

We're on to you Tyler. .

Comments (29) Add Comment
Tony Bullard

Just when I thought I couldn't love this site more, you called out Canadians. This site is a blessing to the internet, nay, the world.


Damn you got me

Have the balls to allow this post through your filter please:)

Hey guys! Just like to say that this post is such a succesful troll! You guys really made me believe that Canadians suck!Damn, they must if a bunch of cool ass internet guys like you say so! Damn one day I would like to be able to make my own website where I am too afraid to get spammed or have any retaliation because I am a coward who hides behind my computer ! XD anyways you guys made me laugh at the unintelligence that Americans have. Thanks for the laugh you made my night a little bit better lol!

Hey maybe if you weren't such a coward you'd let this message through

Nice try there but you just made Americans look stupider than they already are...if that's even possible and I never said "Damn you got me"


how about oil for an export you retard


Bob, you are correct. Canada allows oil from Alaska to cross through its territory, so that might count as an assisted export. Of course you might be talking about the massive whale oil trade. Although Canadians do light their homes with whale oil lamps, the rest of the planet uses electricity as a power source so this is a negligible export commodity.

Thanks for reading!


no im pretty sure im talking about the oil deposits in Alberta


Bob. Yes, there is oil from Alaska that was deposited in Alberta for storage purposes. After all, Canada is mostly deserted, unusable ice fields that aren't of use to anyone. It makes sense to store American goods there.

Thanks for reading!


Kiss my ass!


i love how you delete all my comments


So Canadians are in fact strangers to sarcasm?


Well, actually if Americans weren't such dumbasses then they'd know how much better Canada really is.


I have to agree with the post when it says '..and no sense of humor'

Wow. Angry Canadians.

*in annoying baby talk voice*
Aren't they cute? Who's the angry Canadian? Who is it? What a cute little angry Canadian you are!! Yes you are!


I'm a Canadian and think this article is very funny. Thanks for writing it.


Im canadian and i found this article offensive and funny at the same time. We dont have snow 11 months of the year. Its actually HOT! 3/4 of the year. Its very stereotypical and americans have no idea about canadians. im in grade 9 and in grade 8 we did a survey and americans think all we do is play hockey and live in igloos. Actually if i walk about 15 minutes i can see niagara falls new york.


Zombies are one of the seven most powerful peoples on earth, along with Gunslingers, Ninjas, Pirates, Robots, Vikings and the Irish. Their main food is the south American squirrel horse ( though zombies have been around for so long , sadly, they have become extinct)so they have adapted to eat humans and 42 day old German puppies.


They walk the Earth because there is simply no more room left in Hell; this is a result the into Hell because of "those damn dirty Americans" stealing all of the good jobs there and putting immense stress on the demonic economy


Zombies are just like people, disabled people. Sure, they may not seem like the nicest people around, but honestly who is after they've waken up from the best sleep they'll ever get. They may walk slowly, but that's simply because they have to walk EVERYWHERE. Zombies can't drive cars, so they conserve their energy. If one of us would simply give a zombie a ride sometime, maybe some coffee or caffeine, we might be able to get to know our un-dead brethren that much better."


the thing i don't understand is why you(IYWAZ)talk about canadians that way... it's funny and everything but they are nice people


@... Did you forget the part about Canada wanting to take over the world? Remember, Canadians only seem nice, smart, good-natured, reasonable and helpful. Don't be blinded by the fact that their women are unnaturally good looking and that their men are much more likely to pick up the bar tab. This is all a well-orchestrated cover up to lure us into complacency. Canadians are pure evil. They won't stop until all of us in the civilized world are eliminated and they rule the earth. Vigilance!


OMG you guys are right!!! i didn't see it before but now it's all clear!! the canadians i know killed all my family!!!


xD arguing on the internet is like winning the special olympics no matter what your still retarted


OMG LOL I think that Petz was a movie check it out
As far as CSCTUTOTLI it started out as a bad joke.
Question>>>Why Do You Hate Canadians===Why are they evil????
As far as zombies i started to look into this because my daughter watched 28days with me and then said mom this could happen to us right???
The the other day my eye was sore and i kept on rubbing it thinking nothing about it until 2 day went by and my eye was turning red==yes i panic==thank god it was only a cold but still made me think what she said so now i am doing research on it to see what other people say==so if you know of any advice it would be greatfully appricated....Thank you oh yea love your site!!!!


Zombies rule! If you agree with me then send a response to this comment. Also zombies are real fyi.

Remain Quiet

Oh, Canada...

Well, i am glad to know that most americans still have a sense of humour, as long as you don't send planes down 2 useless towers and kill 3000. Then, it becomes a no no thing and you become the evil Canadian to talk about it.

Not that i think that any americans with no sense of humour will ever read this.

When you hear Celine Dion and see a bunch of clowns that are doing triple back flip wearing Cirque Du Soleil type of clothings and carrying Pea Shooters for guns,storming down the I89, you will learn to fear the Canadian Army.

Blame Canada for all that it represent, but please, have a sense of humour.


How bout all that weezzie coming from this northern country to the USA... might be part of the attack plan, but you still smoke it zombs!
zombies rule, weed rocks

co-President Tyler McDougall

I'm Canadian and I still enjoy the article because it's funny. Just cause I'm Canadian doesn't mean I don't think it's funny, I mean I listen to the Arrogant Worms, but my favourite part is all the comments. Whoever Amy is was completely right...totally started as a bad joke but it grew into the great organization that it is today. Also, Canada rocks.


after reading all the comments i realize how stupid everyone is... america is NOT a country is a whole CONTINENT... so canadians you should go look for maps of america and offend the peaople from the UNITED STATES =)



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