CSCTUTOTLI co-President Tyler McDougall writes:
Our people here in the zombie wing at the Canadian Society Counteracting The Unfair Treatment Of The Living Impaired (CSCTUTOTLI) believe that your site is outrageously prejudiced. Zombies are people too and should not be judged by the few of their kind that are actually bad or the stereotypes depicted by television and movies. Most zombies are actually good samaritans and kind people. People like you judge them because they're different. We believe it is because you are jealous that they have been given a second chance at life. Your website is disgraceful and offensive to all of zombie kind and you should learn to get to know a zombie. Most of them are friendly and it may change your opinion about them. In the future, could you please be more considerate and get all the facts before you judge the living impaired. That includes ghosts and vampires too.
Can you see the obvious flaw in his argument? That's right, he's Canadian. Never in recorded history has any nation been more evil, more sinister and more confusingly objectionable than the frigid land of Canada.
Oh, sure, they seem nice. When you meet a Canadian you are always surprised at how "polite" and "genuine" they act, but this is simply a well-orchestrated cover for their real intentions. Quick, name a major economic export from Canada. Nope, snow, bad entertainers and stanky beer don't count.
As a matter of fact, our researchers in the World Economic Studies Department of IfYouWereAZombie.com (WESDIYWAZ) have been studying this anomaly for quite some time. It turns out that Canada contributes nothing to the world economy, has no industry to speak of, few natural resources and no sense of humor.
Everybody knows that most zombies freeze solid every winter and we've all seen the hilarious YouTube videos of uncoordinated zombies attempting to walk on icy sidewalks. With average temperatures of -120F and six-foot snowdrifts covering the ground 11 months of the year, Canada will never be threatened by a zombie epidemic.
Our investigations show the Canadian government has been serving as the power broker behind Zombie rights organizations such as People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies (PETZ), Zombies are People (ZAP) and now the CSCTUTOTLI. The Canadian government and its people have been spreading these lies hoping to extend the impact of the Zombie epidemic in the civilized, warm parts of the planet. Once we've all been eliminated by the zombie horde (and those zombies have been given several years to deteriorate), Canadians will move in, sweep up the mess and finally achieve their long-standing dream of world domination.
We're on to you Tyler. .
Hey guys! Just like to say that this post is such a succesful troll! You guys really made me believe that Canadians suck!Damn, they must if a bunch of cool ass internet guys like you say so! Damn one day I would like to be able to make my own website where I am too afraid to get spammed or have any retaliation because I am a coward who hides behind my computer ! XD anyways you guys made me laugh at the unintelligence that Americans have. Thanks for the laugh you made my night a little bit better lol!
Nice try there but you just made Americans look stupider than they already are...if that's even possible and I never said "Damn you got me"
Bob, you are correct. Canada allows oil from Alaska to cross through its territory, so that might count as an assisted export. Of course you might be talking about the massive whale oil trade. Although Canadians do light their homes with whale oil lamps, the rest of the planet uses electricity as a power source so this is a negligible export commodity.
Thanks for reading!
no im pretty sure im talking about the oil deposits in Alberta
Bob. Yes, there is oil from Alaska that was deposited in Alberta for storage purposes. After all, Canada is mostly deserted, unusable ice fields that aren't of use to anyone. It makes sense to store American goods there.
Thanks for reading!
Well, actually if Americans weren't such dumbasses then they'd know how much better Canada really is.
I have to agree with the post when it says '..and no sense of humor'
Wow. Angry Canadians.
*in annoying baby talk voice*
Aren't they cute? Who's the angry Canadian? Who is it? What a cute little angry Canadian you are!! Yes you are!
I'm a Canadian and think this article is very funny. Thanks for writing it.
Im canadian and i found this article offensive and funny at the same time. We dont have snow 11 months of the year. Its actually HOT! 3/4 of the year. Its very stereotypical and americans have no idea about canadians. im in grade 9 and in grade 8 we did a survey and americans think all we do is play hockey and live in igloos. Actually if i walk about 15 minutes i can see niagara falls new york.
Just when I thought I couldn't love this site more, you called out Canadians. This site is a blessing to the internet, nay, the world.