Nazi Zombie Raptor Outbreak Imminent, Harris K. Telemacher Nowhere in Sight

Zombie Road SignYou may curse the common road worker.  They delight in setting up orange cones and slowing our commute.  It isn't uncommon to see a dozen surly men and the occasional beautiful woman in classy reflective vests watching with fascination as another worker stands in a hole.  Add a supervisor with a clipboard and an over-enthusiastic back-hoe operator and you've got seven miles of closed off construction zone for at least two years. 


Well, now it seems that these misunderstood public servants may just be our salvation.  Our loyal (and exceptionally good looking) readers have been sending tips of signs of local outbreaks for the past couple weeks and it seems things are finally coming to a (undead) head.


Messages have been appearing on electronic road signs across the United States warning of zombies.  As is usually the case, the first sign of trouble came from the great state of Texas where a sign in Austin warned of "Zombies Ahead."  Transportation lackeys were quickly sent to lie to panicked news crews.  There was no zombie outbreak, they claimed, the sign had just been hacked by teenage pranksters.


The trouble soon spread to other local highways as alert road crews risked their lives to slowly type out an electronic warning before they ran for the hills.  "Nazi Zombies!  Run!!" said another Texas sign while  Illinois' unionized finest warned  "Raptors Ahead - Caution".  Ok, we don't quite understand that one, but maybe they were a victim of the iPhone spell-checker.  In any case there have been sightings across the country of "Daily Lane Closures Due to Zombies" and "The End is Near!" and "Danger: Zombie Attack!"


Recently,  auto blog jalopnik.com published a guide about how hackers could have changed text on these signs.  We approve of warnings from qualified personnel, but ask you not to tamper with these signs on your own.  To help you understand what not to do, we've provided the following guide.


Warning, do not tamper with these signs produced by the ADDCO Company.

  1. Do not open the access panel on the back of the sign.
  2. Do not remove the black control pad and do not plug the curly cord into the keyboard port.
  3. For god's sake, do not try to enter the default password of "DOTS"
  4. If the default password does not work, do not hold down "Control" and "Shift" while you enter "DIPY".  This will reset the password to "DOTS", which, as we said before, you should never enter.
  5. Do not scroll to "Instant Text" and do not type any warnings about zombies.
  6. Do not hit enter to submit the text and do not select "Run w/out Save".
  7. Do not add additional messages by selecting "Add Page"


These signs should only be changed by authorized personnel in the event of an actual emergency.  Remember what happened to the boy who cried wolf-he got a famous story named after him.

Thanks to Chad, Shannon, Erin and everyone else who sent this in.

Comments (6) Add Comment
Vera

I love the updated site and so glad that you have the foresight to warn the masses about the eminent zombie attack!


devon lochner biloxi,ms

i did it and got caught because my friend put my name and address on the next page i went to youth court and i have to go to wisconsin state detention center for 6 months the directions did help though we would of never got caught if he wouldnt of done that and i would of known so i could of deleted it because i got on the site on my iphone and red the directions as we did it and i did it in literally about 2 minutes


Marie

I think i will not try that becausei most certainly know i shouldnt.....


k9rosie

Someone has been playing too much Call of Duty.


FeetOnTheGround

"Raptors Ahead - Caution". While not nearly the problem as a raid from the local cemetary, giant raptor attacks are a real problem in my neck of the woods. That's why we all drive those huge SUVs. Raptors are quite vulnerable in the underbelly so a 12 guage and a sun-roof are a perfectly adequate defense. The problem is, you don't want to be a hundred feet in the air by the time you gain control of the situation.

The Raptor sign got me thinking, what if we could train them to selectively attack zombies? Kinda like wolves to dogs. Sure, we'd keep wild raptor packs around, but it sure would be nice to have some help with our own undead.



alicia

this is an awesome site.!



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