Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.
Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.
Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card
So, you live in Pittsburgh and notice zombies moaning around the neighborhood. Before you start shooting the undead, what should you do? Besides asking, "Why do I live in Pittsburgh?" you should also check your calendar.
Yes, that's right. It's time for another ill-conceived "charity" event glorifying the end of life as we know it. Pittsburgh's Zombie Weekend is scheduled for October 24th - 26.
On Friday, local micro-brew Straub Beer will be sponsoring the Zombie Masquerade Ball at the Churchill Valley Country Club. We can't think of a better way to end a day than sucking down a case of smooth, refreshing Straub. Straub-- it's made from beer!
Festivities continue Saturday and Sunday at the Monroeville Mall, site of the original documentary George Romero film "Day of the Dead".
You all know our stance on zombie dress-up-- violently opposed, by the way-- but sometimes you just need to unload your shotgun, sit back in your zombie-proof bunker and enjoy a few days digging into your supply of jerky and potted meat food product.
Remember the old saying, "if you can't beat them, don't shoot them either because they are probably just the damn neighbors dressed as zombies."
OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhboy OMGOMFGHFMGFLAZAGMA! *gasp* Once we saw this image from a recent patent filing by Apple we had to run all the way across the IYWAZ compound to post this so we could be one of the first to spread an unconfirmed rumor about a brand new Apple Tablet and oh are we excited because as you can see this tablet is plainly for the zombie user which means they know something that other people don't about the upcoming zombie apocalypse! OMFSJ! *gasp* *gasp* *gasp*.
Ok, sorry about that. Catching our breath now. As you can see the deformed hand in the USTPO patent submission clearly shows a device that is meant for easy operation by the fast-growing zombie community. This fits in with other information aquired by IYWAZ that shows a major transition in the Apple product line. We can't be too specific without endangering our sources, but new products are expected to have rounded fronts, tapered edges, brighter, high-contrast screens and improved batteries powered only by pure terror. In any case, we've protected ourselves from potential lawsuits by clearly using a question mark in the title.
New products are expected to be announced in the next month by the increasingly zombie-like Steve Jobs. Since everyone here at IYWAZ is a total Apple Fanboy, we've already sent some interns out to the Apple store to wait in line. I don't care how much it costs or what it is, if Apple is making it I'm buying two. .
Our people here in the zombie wing at the Canadian Society Counteracting The Unfair Treatment Of The Living Impaired (CSCTUTOTLI) believe that your site is outrageously prejudiced. Zombies are people too and should not be judged by the few of their kind that are actually bad or the stereotypes depicted by television and movies. Most zombies are actually good samaritans and kind people. People like you judge them because they're different. We believe it is because you are jealous that they have been given a second chance at life. Your website is disgraceful and offensive to all of zombie kind and you should learn to get to know a zombie. Most of them are friendly and it may change your opinion about them. In the future, could you please be more considerate and get all the facts before you judge the living impaired. That includes ghosts and vampires too.
Can you see the obvious flaw in his argument? That's right, he's Canadian. Never in recorded history has any nation been more evil, more sinister and more confusingly objectionable than the frigid land of Canada.
Oh, sure, they seem nice. When you meet a Canadian you are always surprised at how "polite" and "genuine" they act, but this is simply a well-orchestrated cover for their real intentions. Quick, name a major economic export from Canada. Nope, snow, bad entertainers and stanky beer don't count.
As a matter of fact, our researchers in the World Economic Studies Department of IfYouWereAZombie.com (WESDIYWAZ) have been studying this anomaly for quite some time. It turns out that Canada contributes nothing to the world economy, has no industry to speak of, few natural resources and no sense of humor.
Everybody knows that most zombies freeze solid every winter and we've all seen the hilarious YouTube videos of uncoordinated zombies attempting to walk on icy sidewalks. With average temperatures of -120F and six-foot snowdrifts covering the ground 11 months of the year, Canada will never be threatened by a zombie epidemic.
Our investigations show the Canadian government has been serving as the power broker behind Zombie rights organizations such as People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies (PETZ), Zombies are People (ZAP) and now the CSCTUTOTLI. The Canadian government and its people have been spreading these lies hoping to extend the impact of the Zombie epidemic in the civilized, warm parts of the planet. Once we've all been eliminated by the zombie horde (and those zombies have been given several years to deteriorate), Canadians will move in, sweep up the mess and finally achieve their long-standing dream of world domination.
For years, researchers have known about Archaea -- single-celled organisms genetically distinct from eukaryotes that thrive in the most inhospitable locations of the deep ocean. Now, scientists from Penn State have discovered zombie archaea who use such small amounts of energy that they may as well be undead.
While the average microbe will divide and reproduce every 20 minutes, these tiny critters may divide only every 100 to 2,000 years. "In essence, these microbes are almost, practically dead by our normal standards," says Professor Christopher H. House. "They metabolize a little, but not much."
In addition to inflicting terror on a very tiny scale, these organisms may make up to 30% of the Earth's biomass and might serve as an example of what we could find on other planets or moons.
Professor Jennifer F. Biddle postulates that these microbes could survive major cataclysmic events such as asteroid impacts or iPhone shortages. In effect they act as a refuge for life to begin anew and spread zombie joy around the world.
Most interestingly, Biddle notes that researchers do not know how these microbes die. "It is a simple question that we cannot answer."
You know that old lady down the street? Yes, the one with garden gnomes, fountains, grecian columns, wagons turned planters and a big-ass, patriotic flag filling her front yard. Well, nothing is more fun than trying to one-up the neighbors and here's your chance.
British artist Alan Dickinson has created this beautiful stone-ish sculpture of what awaits when the actual Zombie Apocalypse begins. Design Toscano describes it:
Not for the faint of heart, Dickinson's life-sized, gray-toned zombie will claw his way out of your garden plot or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the most lifelike eyes you've ever seen. His macabre expression is captured in such great detail in quality designer resin and finished so realistically that you'll swear you can hear him breathing!
Couple problems with their description. "Lifelike eyes", umm shouldn't they be more "Undeadlike eyes"? And of course we all know that zombies don't actually breathe. But hey, it's made of "quality designer resin"! This isn't that resin they use for Wal-Mart zombie gnomes. This is Designer Resin.
Put it in your front garden close to the sidewalk, set up a lawn chair and watch the festivities. If someone is selling their house, be sure to put it within sight of their For Sale sign-- your neighbor will appreciate your thoughtfulness at sprucing up their property. We're sure you'll be the toast of the subdivision as everyone salutes you for your good taste while they rapidly thumb through the Covenents, Conditions and Restrictions. .
There it is. The trailer for the upcoming animated zombie feature, Dear Beautiful from filmmaker Roland Becerra. The incorrect grammar in the titles isn't encouraging but the guy's an artist, not a dictionary.
Based on the film festival short, the feature version of Dear Beautiful will have the same Max Payne style animation while expanding the story a bit:
The sudden appearance of exotic flowers in New Haven spawns an unprecedented epidemic rumored to be the result of a botched experiment by cosmetics giant, V-Zone. Paul and Lauren, a married couple, are caught between the catastrophe and their own troubled relationship when Lauren encounters one of the flowers and becomes infected. As her symptoms worsen, Paul's denial of Lauren's illness puts the couple in grave danger as the city is overrun with infected people, media frenzy, National Guard, protesters and a panicked populace.
While this doesn't seem to be based upon real events, it wouldn't be the first time that documentaries about zombie outbreaks had to be released as fictional horror movies-- if you have inside info, let us know in the comments. Just remember cartoon zombies don't kill people, real zombies kill people. Please use precautions if you decide to keep your zombified loved-ones at home. .
Remember those Alien movies? The Alien would lay it's eggs in the warm, nourishing belly of unsuspecting humans where they would hatch, eat their way out and chase Sigourney Weaver through progressively worse screenplays. You probably already know that this behavior (the egg-laying, not the Sigourney-chasing) was inspired by a real-life breed of wasp which does the same thing.
New research shows that when a wasp lays its eggs in the geometrid caterpillar (also known as the inchworm), the caterpillar does not die when the eggs hatch but is instead turned into a zombie to guard the cocooned larvae.
That's right, that little inchworm of Sesame Street song is controlled by several parasitoid larvae who remain behind. The caterpillar is exactly like a Japanese giant robot but tiny, green and out of ammunition. It stands arched over the cocoons without moving away or feeding and scares off predators. Once the wasps hatch the poor inchworm is granted a swift, well-deserved death.
Oh, Nature. If you were an actual person you'd have been locked up years ago. Somebody should really do something. Nature must be stopped. .
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So, you live in Pittsburgh and notice zombies moaning around the neighborhood. Before you start shooting the undead, what should you do? Besides asking, "Why do I live in Pittsburgh?" you should also check your calendar. 
OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhboy OMGOMFGHFMGFLAZAGMA! *gasp* Once we saw this image from a recent 
CSCTUTOTLI co-President Tyler McDougall writes:
For years, researchers have known about Archaea -- single-celled organisms genetically distinct from eukaryotes that thrive in the most inhospitable locations of the deep ocean. Now, 
You know that old lady down the street? Yes, the one with garden gnomes, fountains, grecian columns, wagons turned planters and a big-ass, patriotic flag filling her front yard. Well, nothing is more fun than trying to one-up the neighbors and here's your chance.
Remember those Alien movies? The Alien would lay it's eggs in the warm, nourishing belly of unsuspecting humans where they would hatch, eat their way out and chase Sigourney Weaver through progressively worse screenplays. You probably already know that this behavior (the egg-laying, not the Sigourney-chasing) was inspired by a real-life breed of wasp which does the same thing.