Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.

Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card

Zombie Cards, Zombie News, Zombie Blog

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We need your help.  Our researchers in the If You Were a Zombie Psychological Assessment and Relationship Enhancement department need subjects for an upcoming study.  We've all heard the saying, "It's the thought that counts" but precious little research has gone into checking its truthiness.

What better time to do a detailed study than Valentine's Day.  Yes, the day originally meant to honor two or three (seriously, who has time to count) martyred Christian saints named Valentine and has since morphed into the confectionary-fueled minefield which men in insecure relationships must traverse annually.

This year, instead of candy, flowers, jewelry or an incredibly sweet and creative night on the town send her this FREE ecard from ifyouwereazombie.com.  That's right, all you have to do to help is send this free Valentine's card

If she seems upset at the lack of additional loot, just tell her, "I thought this would be easier," or "I thought I'd save some money," or even "I thought it was all you deserved this year."  See, look at all that thought you put into this year's celebration!  Let us know how this worked out for you.  Our strangely single staff of researchers thanks you.


Zombie card newspaperThere comes a time in a web site's life when it undergoes certain... changes.  The site might notice that pages which were once light and airy have now become cramped and confining.  Links which once happily moved the visitor to wonderous new content start to malfunction and ads (which never actually pay off anyway) begin to sprout in the most inconvenient places.  It's an uncomfortable time, but with a little counseling and help from those special people known as web site developers  it all turns out better in the end.

Yep, we've done some housekeeping and boy was it about time.  There were little bits of electronic cruft everywhere!  You wouldn't believe some of the things we found hidden in the server behind the FAQ.   We're particularly fond of the new color scheme of  Grey, Gray, and Ghrey.  We think we've fixed all the issues, but you can never be sure.  If you see anything acting hinky, let us know in the comments or drop us a line.

 To celebrate, we've lazily recycled a graphic from the old site in zombie ecard form.  Hooray for old crap!


Zombie Brain Attraction Card Hypothetical: You've just had a fight with your girlfriend and want to send her a card to brighten her day.  Should it be informative, life-saving advice or should it provide nurturing encouragement to help patch up your relationship?  Why not send one card that does both? 

Clearly, the tip and the message are not related, so in just seconds you've appealed to both her left and right brain-- logic and emotion wrapped up in ecard form!  What could be better?

Improve your relationship now! .


 Reader N8 writes:

well im not clever enough to actually make the cards but i think you are missing out on a hugh part of the Zombie card industry, you havent included any "im glad your a zombie" cards.   like "i would be happy to kill you"    or   " i cant wait to run a spike threw your heart"     im thinking a whole line of cards to send to your Ex-wife.  

This reminds me of something Mom used to say, "If you can't say anything nice, for God's sake don't write it down and leave a paper trail that THEY can follow."  Leaving aside Mom's troubles with "The Man", our market-research has determined that people don't want more hateful web sites and are looking for ways to spread joy and understanding. 

Just think if our world leaders used IfYouWereAZombie.com to send along a little note to each other.  (We have noticed an increase in cards being sent from the whitehouse.gov domain recently, so we have our fingers crossed) Our cards will continue to  be helpful, optimistic  and cheerful to help you maintain productive relationships while fighting the zombie scourge.  Besides, if your ex becomes a zombie, you've already won.  And one thing we've learned, N8, winning is important.  Thanks for reading. .

 


 There's been some chit and chat as well as spirited arguments around the water cooler in the  spacious IYWAZ tower today.  It all revolved around one question:  Do zombies have birthdays?  Or more importantly, should we celebrate and should there be cake? 

See, Phyllis from Accounting stumbled into our zombie holding pit yesterday leaving us with a quandry as well as several uncompleted expense reports.  Today was her birthday and we had already bought her a cake, sent out the birthday memo, and rented one of those big dirty jugs of orange punch from McDonalds.

 In the end, we decided that birthday celebrations are as much for the celebrants as they are for the person having the birthday.  After all, you get a cake for everyone to share, not just one piece for the birthdayer...birthdayee...person who just got old. 

So, send a card, eat some cake, indulge.  You deserve it!  Someone you know survived another year! .


Happy Zombie-Free Mother's Day Let's face it, you suck.  No really.  Your mom took care of you and raised you into the fine, strapping, well-adjusted, zombie-hunting person you are today.  But, on Mother's Day all you did was send her was an ecard from a crappy web site that  can't even be bothered to provide daily updates?

Sorry.  That was completely uncalled for.  Our accountants have informed us that the smart, thoughtful and, yes, good looking visitors to our site have provided us with dozens of dollars by clicking on the Amazon links on the right side of the page -- Probably to provide their mother, who gave so much, a little happiness on this special day.

Today's zombie card illustration was created by Joey (6 years old) son of Barbara in our Human Resources department.  Good job, Joey!  You captured your Mom's inner beauty. .


Zombie Lincoln for PresidentYou've been asking us.  You've been begging us.  Well, finally Ifyouwereazombie.com is willing to go out on a limb and endorse a candidate for this year's presidential election.  We know, you're surprised.  Given our general approval of zombie eradication  and eagerness for a strong zombie defense, why the heck would we endorse a Zombie Party candidate?

We don't have anything against McCain, Obama or Clinton.  Well, ok we do.  But it isn't personal.  Ok fine.  It is personal.  We simply feel that Zombie Lincoln is a candidate with more integrity, honesty, and braaaains.  That's it.

Sure, the Zombie Party has a huge advertising budget and has been purchasing large blocks of banner ads from major zombie-related web sites.  But that really has nothing to do with this.  The media has a duty to prolong report on the political campaign and provide an outlet for all well-funded political parties to connect with voters.

Vote early.  Vote often.  Vote Zombie Lincoln. .


   Reader Tishia writes,  
 "All I can say is, "It's about friggin' time! The site is well designed, clever, funny as hell, and has great content!  Overall, well organized! But...  The ECards!! There needs to be more!" 

Well, what can we say.  We're blushing from praise while we beat ourselves up in a mildly disturbing reenactment of scenes from Fight Club.  Here's the problem: all of us at IYWAZ spend our days digging entrenchments, building barricades and shopping for armageddon-size 30 gallon jugs of mustard from Costco.  Once all this grunt work is done there's little time left to create new cards.

So, we need your help.  If you have a clever idea or, even better, some Photoshop chops send along your ideas.  If we like them, we'll put them up along with a credit/link to your site.  If we don't like them we'll either taunt you mercilessly or even worse, ignore you completely.  Either way, it's a win for us. 

Here are some guidelines:

  1. Cards must be 500 pixels by 348 pixels
  2. If your card meets our high standards (and if we bother to check the mail) your card will be proudly displayed and available for others to send.
  3. Keep in mind the tone we want.  Cards should be sappy and earnest or informative.  We want to help people get through this crisis and make them feel better about their impending doom.
  4. You won't recieve any compensation other than our sincere thanks, the satisfaction of a job well done, and the inclusion of your name and web site URL on the card.
  5. You must have the legal right to distribute any artwork in the card in ecard format. Please note that most stock illustrations and photo agreements prohibit distribution in ecard format.
  6. By submitting a card you acknowledge that you have given ifyouwereazombie.com the right to use the image on the website, in promotional materials and other mediums as we see fit. (We aren't total jerks though. If we use your card to create merchandise you will be compensated in a manner that ifyouwerazombie.com determines is fair. That means if we make any profit on your work, you'll get some type of compensation. Honestly though, only about 20 people will ever see this site so don't start buying materials for that zombie-proof bunker just yet...)