Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.

Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card

Zombie Cards, Zombie News, Zombie Blog

Tag >> Help

  Fighting the zombie scourge isn't all guts and glory.  Sure, we spend some of our day digging trenches, sharpening crowbars and packing shotgun shells.  However, just as important is our work here on the web keeping you informed about the undead menace.

This means part of our day is consumed scouring the web for zombie news, researching our award-winning, in-depth exposes and keeping the most popular web site for undead news and greeting cards alive.  Although we employ a large IT department to keep things humming, occasionally we need to contact other companies for tech support.  Sometimes, like this week, there is a perfect storm of problems that require us to make almost a dozen support requests from various companies in just a few days. 

This isn't a post complaining about out-sourcing-- we're all big supporters of the free-market economy and even offer zombie tech support at our Bangalore facility.   All our support technicians are highly trained in both superior customer service and have the knowledge to help solve your problems quickly and painlessly.  In the past week though, we've had some poor support from various companies and thought we would offer them some advice:

Continue Reading after the jump

 Zombie Cake!We get plenty of comments from you, our readers, but now we're just blushing at the ovewhelmingly positive communication. 

To celebrate we recently treated our entire support staff to cake (with milk!).  As you can see in the photo of the joyous occasion to the left, the cake was shaped like a little village under attack from gummy zombies.  We think you can see from their expressions that the entire staff was having a great time!

Some of the highlights:

Recently, reader Schimmy147 commented on the usefulness of our RSS Feeds and commenting system and had a very rewarding online conversation with our support staff:

  "I'm very much interested in zombies and zombie-culture... click through just to read this valuable information" and "I think... I... stay interested in... every single word you post here about zombies..."

Zombie enthusiast and religous advocate Vertibird says:

"All hail our new zombie overlords"

Metallurgist and archaeologist Ismellofelderberries wrote:

"You've got a great design..."

Jules raves:

"Adorable! :-)"

And of course we've recieved thousands of emails from our newsletter recipients asking for more information about "unsubscribing".  We've heard you!  We'll soon be sending out a daily newsletter dealing with just this topic!  Thanks again! Now, who wants a piece of cake?


"Evil Girl" asks:

I am afraid that I might have a friend who has been zombie for the last 9 years at least. How long can a zombie survive if given the proper care? Is 9 years reasonable for someone to survive with no soul and no personality? Love the site, I'm finding it very helpful.

We're glad you're finding the site helpful.  You have two questions, first is your friend a zombie.  Sometimes it is obvious as in the picture of the zombie to the left.  Note the pale, greyish-green, speckled skin tone, vacant, unintelligent stare and unnatural hair color. 

Sometimes you have to do some troubleshooting.  Continued after the jump

Note: This is the first in a continuing series of helpful tips on keeping zombies at home.  Please read all warnings and consider your options carefully.  Ifyouwereazombie.com does not accept any liability and offers this guide as a public service.  As always, it is best to consult a certified professional.

You're a collector aren't you?  You've got every action figure still in the box.  You had to have that 300th Beanie Baby just to complete the collection.  There's no such thing as too many Star Wars toys.  You have every issue of TV Guide going back to 1973.  You have an obsession to keep things.

Ok.  I don't really understand the compulsion, but I can respect your passion.  If you can't stand the thought of breaking up your family or group of co-workers by pulping their grey matter, your only real option is to confine the thing.  Let's be clear here-- this isn't the person you used to know but if you really can't help  yourself I guess we'll have to help you.  There are plenty of pitfalls, so pay attention.