Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.

Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card

Zombie Cards, Zombie News, Zombie Blog

Tag >> News

Think of the United States' best colleges. Harvard, Princeton, College of the Canyons, MIT, Stanford. Wait, what was that middle one? Yes, COC in beautiful Sclarita, California is top of our list for this year's high school graduates. This fine school features concrete, military bunker-ish construction and interior decoration reminiscent of an industrial plant management office. But that's just a fancy bonus. This year, they're offering the class "Zombie Defense 101". Next to typing, we can't think of a more valuable skill. Are you planning to apply? Let us know in the comments.

Zombie Road SignYou may curse the common road worker.  They delight in setting up orange cones and slowing our commute.  It isn't uncommon to see a dozen surly men and the occasional beautiful woman in classy reflective vests watching with fascination as another worker stands in a hole.  Add a supervisor with a clipboard and an over-enthusiastic back-hoe operator and you've got seven miles of closed off construction zone for at least two years. 

Well, now it seems that these misunderstood public servants may just be our salvation.  Our loyal (and exceptionally good looking) readers have been sending tips of signs of local outbreaks for the past couple weeks and it seems things are finally coming to a (undead) head.

Messages have been appearing on electronic road signs across the United States warning of zombies.  As is usually the case, the first sign of trouble came from the great state of Texas where a sign in Austin warned of "Zombies Ahead."  Transportation lackeys were quickly sent to lie to panicked news crews.  There was no zombie outbreak, they claimed, the sign had just been hacked by teenage pranksters.

The trouble soon spread to other local highways as alert road crews risked their lives to slowly type out an electronic warning before they ran for the hills.  "Nazi Zombies!  Run!!" said another Texas sign while  Illinois' unionized finest warned  "Raptors Ahead - Caution".  Ok, we don't quite understand that one, but maybe they were a victim of the iPhone spell-checker.  In any case there have been sightings across the country of "Daily Lane Closures Due to Zombies" and "The End is Near!" and "Danger: Zombie Attack!"

Recently,  auto blog jalopnik.com published a guide about how hackers could have changed text on these signs.  We approve of warnings from qualified personnel, but ask you not to tamper with these signs on your own.  To help you understand what not to do, we've provided the following guide.

Warning, do not tamper with these signs produced by the ADDCO Company.

  1. Do not open the access panel on the back of the sign.
  2. Do not remove the black control pad and do not plug the curly cord into the keyboard port.
  3. For god's sake, do not try to enter the default password of "DOTS"
  4. If the default password does not work, do not hold down "Control" and "Shift" while you enter "DIPY".  This will reset the password to "DOTS", which, as we said before, you should never enter.
  5. Do not scroll to "Instant Text" and do not type any warnings about zombies.
  6. Do not hit enter to submit the text and do not select "Run w/out Save".
  7. Do not add additional messages by selecting "Add Page"

These signs should only be changed by authorized personnel in the event of an actual emergency.  Remember what happened to the boy who cried wolf-he got a famous story named after him.

Thanks to Chad, Shannon, Erin and everyone else who sent this in.

Zombie card newspaperThere comes a time in a web site's life when it undergoes certain... changes.  The site might notice that pages which were once light and airy have now become cramped and confining.  Links which once happily moved the visitor to wonderous new content start to malfunction and ads (which never actually pay off anyway) begin to sprout in the most inconvenient places.  It's an uncomfortable time, but with a little counseling and help from those special people known as web site developers  it all turns out better in the end.

Yep, we've done some housekeeping and boy was it about time.  There were little bits of electronic cruft everywhere!  You wouldn't believe some of the things we found hidden in the server behind the FAQ.   We're particularly fond of the new color scheme of  Grey, Gray, and Ghrey.  We think we've fixed all the issues, but you can never be sure.  If you see anything acting hinky, let us know in the comments or drop us a line.

 To celebrate, we've lazily recycled a graphic from the old site in zombie ecard form.  Hooray for old crap!

Sci-Fi legend, writer, collector, producer, agent and sometime actor Forrest J. Ackerman has died at the ripe old age of 92.  Ackerman was not only a fan of Sci-Fi from an early age, he actually created the term Sci-Fi after hearing an ad for a stereo system on the radio.

 Ackerman was a founder of the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society and was credited with launching the careers of Ray Bradbury, Ray Harryhausen, Marrion Zimmer Bradley and many more.  He published stories under dozens of pseudonyms and created the magazine Famous Monsters of Filmland

 He played small parts in over 200 movies (sometimes as a zombie or a victim for zombies) including President of the Earth in Amazon Women on the Moon.

Forrest, or Forry, was most well-known for his extensive collection of sci-fi memorabilia which filled his Hollywood hills home.  Every Saturday, Forry would open his house to allow fellow fans to see his collection.

I visited his home (the Ackermansion) about 15 years ago not knowing what to expect. The sheer quantity of stuff was amazing. Hundreds of thousands of books and magazines filled shelves, boxes and piles on the floor. Every extra piece of floor space had display cases containing movie props, masks and awards. The walls were covered with photographs, book cover and magazine paintings (most featuring nude women), and movie posters. Shelves full of books, awards and movie props lined every wall including the staircases.

An old-school Cylon was propped up in his living room next to tasteful Victorian furniture and his kitchen table held an impressive, overflowing mountain of unopened mail. The overall impression of the chaos was overwhelming but fascinating.

Walking down the stairs to his basement I turned around and noticed an Original Series Star Trek phaser and communicator just sitting on a shelf on the stairway. Any of these strangers could have just picked one up and left but there was a sense of great trust in the air.  He couldn't conceive that other fans would take advantage of him and he was right.

People wandered around the maze of hallways and rooms (including his own bedroom) on their own unguided tour, always respectful that they were in someone's house and occasionally running into Forry as he wandered about as well. A couple times I saw him grab an object from  a shelf with a smile (as if he just discovered it) and look around for someone to show it to.

Even though he had people in his house every week, he loved playing the host. He didn't tire of telling stories and wanted to show off his more obscure pieces. When he saw me trying to figure out what a sad looking stuffed creature was (sitting next to the robot from Metropolis) he grinned and showed me a frame from the original King Kong-- It was the remains of one of the dinosaur creatures from the movie.

Later after most people had cleared out he invited everyone to sit in his living room and he told stories about his days in the ancient history of Hollywood and quirks of his author friends.

He claimed one of his proudest moments was being cast as "President of the Earth" in Amazon Women on the Moon and told us of his grandfather who was involved in designing the Bradbury building (which was featured in Bladerunner). When someone sat down on a wooden chair he told them it was 150 years old and was made for Lincoln. He laughed when they quickly jumped up-- "No, no. Sit. That's what chairs are for!"

Forrest Ackerman was a generous, kind and trusting man who had a passion for both sci-fi and people. He pushed forward the genre in ways most fans don't understand or appreciate.  The world is a more entertaining place because of him.  We tip our zombie-splattered hat to you, Forry.  Thank you. .

 So, you live in Pittsburgh and notice zombies moaning around the neighborhood.  Before you start shooting the undead, what should you do?  Besides asking, "Why do I live in Pittsburgh?" you should also check your calendar. 

Yes, that's right.  It's time for another ill-conceived "charity" event glorifying the end of life as we know it.  Pittsburgh's Zombie Weekend is scheduled for October 24th - 26. 

On Friday, local micro-brew Straub Beer will be sponsoring the Zombie Masquerade Ball at the Churchill Valley Country Club.  We  can't think of a better way to end a day than sucking down a case of smooth, refreshing Straub.  Straub-- it's made from beer! 

Festivities continue Saturday and Sunday at the Monroeville Mall, site of the original documentary George Romero film "Day of the Dead".

You all know our stance on zombie dress-up-- violently opposed, by the way-- but sometimes you just need to unload your shotgun, sit back in your zombie-proof bunker and enjoy a few days digging into your supply of jerky and potted meat food product. 

 Remember the old saying, "if you can't beat them, don't shoot them either because they are probably just the damn neighbors dressed as zombies."

More information is available at http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/  .

Apple Zombie Tablet OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhboy OMGOMFGHFMGFLAZAGMA! *gasp*   Once we saw this image from a recent patent filing by Apple we had to run all the way across the IYWAZ compound to post this so we could be one of the first to spread an unconfirmed rumor about a brand new Apple Tablet and oh are we excited because as you can see this tablet is plainly for the zombie user which means they know something that other people don't about the upcoming zombie apocalypse! OMFSJ!  *gasp* *gasp* *gasp*.

Ok, sorry about that. Catching our breath now.  As you can see the deformed hand in the USTPO patent submission clearly shows a device that is meant for easy operation by the fast-growing zombie community.  This fits in with other information aquired by IYWAZ that shows a major transition in the Apple product line.  We can't be too specific without endangering our sources, but new products are expected to have rounded fronts, tapered edges, brighter, high-contrast screens and improved batteries powered only by pure terror.  In any case, we've protected ourselves from potential lawsuits by clearly using a question mark in the title.

New products are expected to be announced in the next month by the increasingly zombie-like Steve Jobs.  Since everyone here at IYWAZ is a total Apple Fanboy, we've already sent some interns out to the Apple store to wait in line.  I don't care how much it costs or what it is, if Apple is making it I'm buying two. .

Zombie MicrobesFor years, researchers have known about Archaea -- single-celled organisms genetically distinct from eukaryotes that thrive in the most inhospitable locations of the deep ocean.  Now, scientists from Penn State have discovered zombie archaea who use such small amounts of energy that they may as well be undead.

While the average microbe will divide and reproduce every 20 minutes, these tiny critters may divide only every 100 to 2,000 years.  "In essence, these microbes are almost, practically dead by our normal standards," says Professor Christopher H. House. "They metabolize a little, but not much."

In addition to inflicting terror on a very tiny scale, these organisms may make up to 30% of the Earth's biomass and might serve as an example of what we could find on other planets or moons. 

Professor Jennifer F. Biddle postulates that these microbes could survive major cataclysmic events such as asteroid impacts or iPhone shortages.  In effect they act as a refuge for life to begin anew and spread zombie joy around the world.

Most interestingly, Biddle notes that researchers do not know how these microbes die.  "It is a simple question that we cannot answer."

[Thanks to reader Derek K. for the tip] .

 Remember those Alien movies?  The Alien would lay it's eggs in the warm, nourishing belly of unsuspecting humans where they would hatch, eat their way out and chase Sigourney Weaver through progressively worse screenplays.  You probably already know that this behavior (the egg-laying, not the Sigourney-chasing) was inspired by a real-life breed of wasp which does the same thing.

New research shows that when a wasp lays its eggs in the geometrid caterpillar (also known as the inchworm), the caterpillar does not die when the eggs hatch but is instead turned into a zombie to guard the cocooned larvae. 

That's right, that little inchworm of Sesame Street song is controlled by several parasitoid larvae who remain behind.  The caterpillar is exactly like a Japanese giant robot but tiny, green and out of ammunition.  It stands arched over the cocoons without moving away or feeding and scares off predators.  Once the wasps hatch the poor inchworm is granted a swift, well-deserved death.

Oh, Nature.  If you were an  actual person you'd have been locked up years ago.  Somebody should really do something.  Nature must be stopped. .