Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.

Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card

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Human Pressure Cooker Prevents Zombie Transmogrification Have you had lunch yet?  No?  Well, finish up that bowl of chili and that chocolate milkshake before continuing.  Those wacky scientists at BioSafe Engineering have come up with a fool-proof way to prevent the recently dead from becoming zombies. Take a look at that photo on the left.  That-there steel tube is a genuine, bona fide, electrified, high-pressure, heated, automatic, body liquifier. Liquifier!

Still with us?  The device uses lye, 60 pounds of pressure and 300 degree heat within an escape-proof steel chamber to break down the human body into a "brownish, syrupy residue" with the consistency of motor oil and a strong ammonia smell.  Nice!

No funeral homes yet offer the service but one company in New Hampshire is trying to get regulatory approval. 

They're at it again and it makes our blood boil.  As if impending doom from the undead wasn't bad enough, the TV show "It's Alive" from Pittsburg, PA seem to think celebrating the occasion is a good idea. 

Organizer Mark Menold says, "I like it when 10 people show up somewhere and just shamble around for no reason".  Sure, they used the inapproriate event to collect canned food for charity, but this has irresponsible written all over it.   If people get used to recieving food from zombies they might start to lose their fear.  The last thing we need is for kids to think of zombies as some kind of a smelly, decaying, Santa Claus of Spaghettios and  creamed corn.

We're sure Mark will be one of the first victims of the next outbreak as he bravely walks up to the nearest Zombie and gives it a big hug.  So why the calendar photo?  Well, Lala is just stunning to look at, but if you go buy her calendar you'll have somewhere to mark down "World Zombie Day" coming October 26.  We'll have more info as the date gets closer. .

Mad CowOh, that cow is pissed!  Do you know why?  No, it isn't because he knows how tasty he would be fried up between two pieces of bread.  He's just learned that he's likely to get all zombie-like. 

A new varient of bovine spongiform encephalitis (mad cow disease) is related to a disease in humans called Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.  Take a look at some of the human symptoms and let me know if they look familiar:

  • Changes in Gait (walking)
  • Lack of coordination
  • Muscle twitching and stiffness
  • Profound confusion and disorientation
  • Rapid delirium or dementia
  • Speech impairment

Did you figure it out? No?  Have you looked at the name of the site?  Yes... that's right... zombies.  Good job.  Do you have the rest of the symptoms or just the confusion one?

Infections have been reported in those who have recieved corneal transplants or growth hormone from infected cadavers.  It isn't yet clear whether an infected cow can pass this on to humans by being so damn delicious, but keep an eye on the people stumbling out of the local burger joint.

zombie_kitty.jpgIf you own a cat could you raise your hand?  That many? Ok, could all of you just look at the cute kitty picture on the left for a minute?  Thanks.  We'll let you know when you can come back.  Are they all gone?  Great.

We need to make some plans because it turns out that cats carry a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii that just might cause a mild form of zombism in humans. 

Normally a rat will avoid feline smells.  However once it has been infected the rat foolishly seeks out cat odors thus allowing an easy, if messy, way for Toxoplasma gondii to travel back into its preferred pussy breeding ground.

It doesn't stop with cats though.  Some scientists have found that this same parasite infects human cat owners and may actually change the personality of the human hosts.  Men become jealous and suspicious, women more outgoing and warm.   Doctors already warn pregnant women to forgo changing the kitty-litter because of a suspected link between Toxoplasma and schizophrenia in children.

Remember all those people who had their hands raised.  When the zombie attacks start make sure you tell your cat hair covered neighbors that they're on their own.

Hey, cat people.  You can come back now.  We were just talking about how much we like you and your cats.  Yes.  Animals that poop in the house are adorable. Really.

Zombie Trowel TechniquePrestigious Archaeology Magazine has posted research detailing evidence of a zombie outbreak in ancient Egypt near Hierakonpolis  approximately 5000 years ago.  Yes, Archaeology Magazine!  Remember their biting expose when the statue of Hadrian was unearthed at Sagalassos?  When we think of all the fun we've had reading this publication... wow.  Good times, good times.

Preliminary evidence points to the Solanum virus, as many skeletons have been unearthed sans heads.  Curious glyphs on the famous Palette of Narmer (apparently carved by the ancient scribe Steve Narmer also of Hierakonpolis) show stacked headless bodies and zombie-fighting weapons.

Archeological teams on-site are taking steps to train their people in zombie fighting techniques just in case a viable virus is unearthed.  One team member is reportedly eager to start lopping off heads, bringing great comfort to his comrades.  We'll have more information as it develops.