Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

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Tag >> Propaganda

The Canadian Zombie Conspiracy CSCTUTOTLI co-President  Tyler McDougall writes:

Our people here in the zombie wing at the Canadian Society Counteracting The Unfair Treatment Of The Living Impaired (CSCTUTOTLI) believe that your site is outrageously prejudiced. Zombies are people too and should not be judged by the few of their kind that are actually bad or the stereotypes depicted by television and movies. Most zombies are actually good samaritans and kind people. People like you judge them because they're different. We believe it is because you are jealous that they have been given a second chance at life. Your website is disgraceful and offensive to all of zombie kind and you should learn to get to know a zombie. Most of them are friendly and it may change your opinion about them. In the future, could you please be more considerate and get all the facts before you judge the living impaired. That includes ghosts and vampires too.

Can you see the obvious flaw in his argument?  That's right, he's Canadian.  Never in recorded history has any nation been more evil, more sinister and more confusingly objectionable than the frigid land of Canada. 

Oh, sure, they seem nice.  When you meet a Canadian you are always surprised at how "polite" and "genuine" they act, but this is simply a well-orchestrated cover for their real intentions.  Quick, name a major economic export from Canada.  Nope, snow, bad entertainers and stanky beer don't count. 

As a matter of fact, our researchers in the World Economic Studies Department of IfYouWereAZombie.com (WESDIYWAZ) have been studying this anomaly for quite some time.  It turns out that Canada contributes nothing to the world economy, has no industry to speak of, few natural resources and no sense of humor.

 Everybody knows that most zombies freeze solid every winter and we've all seen the hilarious YouTube videos of uncoordinated zombies attempting to walk on icy sidewalks.  With average temperatures of -120F and six-foot snowdrifts covering the ground 11 months of the year, Canada will never be threatened by a zombie epidemic.

Our investigations show the Canadian government has been serving as the power broker behind Zombie rights organizations such as People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies (PETZ), Zombies are People (ZAP) and now the CSCTUTOTLI.  The Canadian government and its people have been spreading these lies hoping to extend the impact of the Zombie epidemic in the civilized, warm parts of the planet.   Once we've all been eliminated by the zombie horde (and those zombies have been given several years to deteriorate), Canadians will move in, sweep up the mess and finally achieve their long-standing dream of world domination.

We're on to you Tyler. .

Zombie Food PyramidVertibird pointed out this t-shirt design from threadless.com.  Clearly this is poorly thought out.  It is well established that Zombies don't actually need to eat but just have an instinctual need to bite and infect other humans. Thankfully, Threadless has another zombie shirt that is actually useful and informative.

We know some of the "collectors" out there (We're looking at you, Jules) like to treat their captive zombies as some kind of undead Tamagotchi and feed them on a regular basis.  This is really just a messy waste of time and may lead to distended or even ruptured abdomens.  But, hey, if it makes you happy we aren't here to judge.

 "Don" from ZombieRunner.com writes:
Just thought I'd say hello. A friend had sent an e-card to me from your site.Appropriate, seeing as the store we run :-)

Ok, "Don".  ZombieRunner.com pretends to be a store that sells high-quality merchandise at low, low prices to long distance runners.  However their name shows their real purpose-- spread disinformation about the capabilities of zombies. 

Don't let them win!  Send our zombie tip card to your friends.  Help spread awareness and foil "Don's" transparent plans and misleadingly friendly, sideways smiley face.  Together we can make it through this.  Together, we are strong! 

We sure have come a long way since the US government produced this film during the post-war epidemic.  Well, maybe we haven't come that far. 

US government policy now is denial and secrecy, but at least they aren't spreading dangerous disinformation anymore.  How many people were lost in the 50's because of misguided zombie hiring programs?