Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.

Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card

Zombie Cards, Zombie News, Zombie Blog

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Think of the United States' best colleges. Harvard, Princeton, College of the Canyons, MIT, Stanford. Wait, what was that middle one? Yes, COC in beautiful Sclarita, California is top of our list for this year's high school graduates. This fine school features concrete, military bunker-ish construction and interior decoration reminiscent of an industrial plant management office. But that's just a fancy bonus. This year, they're offering the class "Zombie Defense 101". Next to typing, we can't think of a more valuable skill. Are you planning to apply? Let us know in the comments.

  Fighting the zombie scourge isn't all guts and glory.  Sure, we spend some of our day digging trenches, sharpening crowbars and packing shotgun shells.  However, just as important is our work here on the web keeping you informed about the undead menace.

This means part of our day is consumed scouring the web for zombie news, researching our award-winning, in-depth exposes and keeping the most popular web site for undead news and greeting cards alive.  Although we employ a large IT department to keep things humming, occasionally we need to contact other companies for tech support.  Sometimes, like this week, there is a perfect storm of problems that require us to make almost a dozen support requests from various companies in just a few days. 

This isn't a post complaining about out-sourcing-- we're all big supporters of the free-market economy and even offer zombie tech support at our Bangalore facility.   All our support technicians are highly trained in both superior customer service and have the knowledge to help solve your problems quickly and painlessly.  In the past week though, we've had some poor support from various companies and thought we would offer them some advice:

Continue Reading after the jump

 So, you live in Pittsburgh and notice zombies moaning around the neighborhood.  Before you start shooting the undead, what should you do?  Besides asking, "Why do I live in Pittsburgh?" you should also check your calendar. 

Yes, that's right.  It's time for another ill-conceived "charity" event glorifying the end of life as we know it.  Pittsburgh's Zombie Weekend is scheduled for October 24th - 26. 

On Friday, local micro-brew Straub Beer will be sponsoring the Zombie Masquerade Ball at the Churchill Valley Country Club.  We  can't think of a better way to end a day than sucking down a case of smooth, refreshing Straub.  Straub-- it's made from beer! 

Festivities continue Saturday and Sunday at the Monroeville Mall, site of the original documentary George Romero film "Day of the Dead".

You all know our stance on zombie dress-up-- violently opposed, by the way-- but sometimes you just need to unload your shotgun, sit back in your zombie-proof bunker and enjoy a few days digging into your supply of jerky and potted meat food product. 

 Remember the old saying, "if you can't beat them, don't shoot them either because they are probably just the damn neighbors dressed as zombies."

More information is available at http://www.theitsaliveshow.com/  .

If you are looking for a place to ride out the coming zombie apocalypse/ global swarming epidemic what could be better than scenic Caminito del Rey in Malaga, Spain.  The path was built in 1901 for workers to transport materials in the construction of a dam but has since fallen into a state of disrepair that makes a perfect place to hide from both the undead and collection agencies.  Just try to watch this video without feeling a touch of "High Anxiety".

Mad CowOh, that cow is pissed!  Do you know why?  No, it isn't because he knows how tasty he would be fried up between two pieces of bread.  He's just learned that he's likely to get all zombie-like. 

A new varient of bovine spongiform encephalitis (mad cow disease) is related to a disease in humans called Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.  Take a look at some of the human symptoms and let me know if they look familiar:

  • Changes in Gait (walking)
  • Lack of coordination
  • Muscle twitching and stiffness
  • Profound confusion and disorientation
  • Rapid delirium or dementia
  • Speech impairment

Did you figure it out? No?  Have you looked at the name of the site?  Yes... that's right... zombies.  Good job.  Do you have the rest of the symptoms or just the confusion one?

Infections have been reported in those who have recieved corneal transplants or growth hormone from infected cadavers.  It isn't yet clear whether an infected cow can pass this on to humans by being so damn delicious, but keep an eye on the people stumbling out of the local burger joint.

zombie_kitty.jpgIf you own a cat could you raise your hand?  That many? Ok, could all of you just look at the cute kitty picture on the left for a minute?  Thanks.  We'll let you know when you can come back.  Are they all gone?  Great.

We need to make some plans because it turns out that cats carry a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii that just might cause a mild form of zombism in humans. 

Normally a rat will avoid feline smells.  However once it has been infected the rat foolishly seeks out cat odors thus allowing an easy, if messy, way for Toxoplasma gondii to travel back into its preferred pussy breeding ground.

It doesn't stop with cats though.  Some scientists have found that this same parasite infects human cat owners and may actually change the personality of the human hosts.  Men become jealous and suspicious, women more outgoing and warm.   Doctors already warn pregnant women to forgo changing the kitty-litter because of a suspected link between Toxoplasma and schizophrenia in children.

Remember all those people who had their hands raised.  When the zombie attacks start make sure you tell your cat hair covered neighbors that they're on their own.

Hey, cat people.  You can come back now.  We were just talking about how much we like you and your cats.  Yes.  Animals that poop in the house are adorable. Really.

Zombie Food PyramidVertibird pointed out this t-shirt design from threadless.com.  Clearly this is poorly thought out.  It is well established that Zombies don't actually need to eat but just have an instinctual need to bite and infect other humans. Thankfully, Threadless has another zombie shirt that is actually useful and informative.

We know some of the "collectors" out there (We're looking at you, Jules) like to treat their captive zombies as some kind of undead Tamagotchi and feed them on a regular basis.  This is really just a messy waste of time and may lead to distended or even ruptured abdomens.  But, hey, if it makes you happy we aren't here to judge.

The Zombie Equation

Zombies are a retarded version of the Terminator.  That is what makes them interesting.  It makes zombies an intellectual exercise in survival against the elements.

None of the team here in the spacious IYWAZ tower is a big fan of zombie movies or excessive gore.  Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate some gore if the story warrants it-for example; Robocop needed the excessive blood to set the tone for the over-the-top, comic-book nature of the film.  Saving Private Ryan wouldn't have been as engaging if the first scene featured a GI storming the beach, randomly clutching his chest and lying on his back with his feet in the air.

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