Zombies. They're a pain. They're annoying. They aren't going away anytime soon. It's a sad truth-- the epidemic is spreading. Chances are someone you care about will become a zombie.

Tell them how you feel BEFORE they start moaning and shuffling, with our convenient zombie greeting cards. Let them know that if you see their zombified corpse, you'll feel bad when you put a slug through their brainpan.

Because, once they're a zombie, it's too late to say you care... Send a Zombie Card

Zombie Cards, Zombie News, Zombie Blog

They're at it again and it makes our blood boil.  As if impending doom from the undead wasn't bad enough, the TV show "It's Alive" from Pittsburg, PA seem to think celebrating the occasion is a good idea. 

Organizer Mark Menold says, "I like it when 10 people show up somewhere and just shamble around for no reason".  Sure, they used the inapproriate event to collect canned food for charity, but this has irresponsible written all over it.   If people get used to recieving food from zombies they might start to lose their fear.  The last thing we need is for kids to think of zombies as some kind of a smelly, decaying, Santa Claus of Spaghettios and  creamed corn.

We're sure Mark will be one of the first victims of the next outbreak as he bravely walks up to the nearest Zombie and gives it a big hug.  So why the calendar photo?  Well, Lala is just stunning to look at, but if you go buy her calendar you'll have somewhere to mark down "World Zombie Day" coming October 26.  We'll have more info as the date gets closer. .

   Reader Tishia writes,  
 "All I can say is, "It's about friggin' time! The site is well designed, clever, funny as hell, and has great content!  Overall, well organized! But...  The ECards!! There needs to be more!" 

Well, what can we say.  We're blushing from praise while we beat ourselves up in a mildly disturbing reenactment of scenes from Fight Club.  Here's the problem: all of us at IYWAZ spend our days digging entrenchments, building barricades and shopping for armageddon-size 30 gallon jugs of mustard from Costco.  Once all this grunt work is done there's little time left to create new cards.

So, we need your help.  If you have a clever idea or, even better, some Photoshop chops send along your ideas.  If we like them, we'll put them up along with a credit/link to your site.  If we don't like them we'll either taunt you mercilessly or even worse, ignore you completely.  Either way, it's a win for us. 

Here are some guidelines:

  1. Cards must be 500 pixels by 348 pixels
  2. If your card meets our high standards (and if we bother to check the mail) your card will be proudly displayed and available for others to send.
  3. Keep in mind the tone we want.  Cards should be sappy and earnest or informative.  We want to help people get through this crisis and make them feel better about their impending doom.
  4. You won't recieve any compensation other than our sincere thanks, the satisfaction of a job well done, and the inclusion of your name and web site URL on the card.
  5. You must have the legal right to distribute any artwork in the card in ecard format. Please note that most stock illustrations and photo agreements prohibit distribution in ecard format.
  6. By submitting a card you acknowledge that you have given ifyouwereazombie.com the right to use the image on the website, in promotional materials and other mediums as we see fit. (We aren't total jerks though. If we use your card to create merchandise you will be compensated in a manner that ifyouwerazombie.com determines is fair. That means if we make any profit on your work, you'll get some type of compensation. Honestly though, only about 20 people will ever see this site so don't start buying materials for that zombie-proof bunker just yet...)

If you are looking for a place to ride out the coming zombie apocalypse/ global swarming epidemic what could be better than scenic Caminito del Rey in Malaga, Spain.  The path was built in 1901 for workers to transport materials in the construction of a dam but has since fallen into a state of disrepair that makes a perfect place to hide from both the undead and collection agencies.  Just try to watch this video without feeling a touch of "High Anxiety".

Mad CowOh, that cow is pissed!  Do you know why?  No, it isn't because he knows how tasty he would be fried up between two pieces of bread.  He's just learned that he's likely to get all zombie-like. 

A new varient of bovine spongiform encephalitis (mad cow disease) is related to a disease in humans called Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.  Take a look at some of the human symptoms and let me know if they look familiar:

  • Changes in Gait (walking)
  • Lack of coordination
  • Muscle twitching and stiffness
  • Profound confusion and disorientation
  • Rapid delirium or dementia
  • Speech impairment

Did you figure it out? No?  Have you looked at the name of the site?  Yes... that's right... zombies.  Good job.  Do you have the rest of the symptoms or just the confusion one?

Infections have been reported in those who have recieved corneal transplants or growth hormone from infected cadavers.  It isn't yet clear whether an infected cow can pass this on to humans by being so damn delicious, but keep an eye on the people stumbling out of the local burger joint.

Zombie Sympathy CardDo you know someone infected with the zombie virus? There's no cure and they only have hours left.  At least you can give them false hope while they spend their last minutes checking their email.  While you're at it, why don't you suggest they buy something from the Amazon links to the right.  Those poor UPS men...

Zombie Easter Bunny CardWow, who knew that so many people needed a zombie Easter card?  For those who harbor fears of undead lagomorpha that distribute chicken embryos while feasting on the occasional brain... well this card is for both of you.

zombie_kitty.jpgIf you own a cat could you raise your hand?  That many? Ok, could all of you just look at the cute kitty picture on the left for a minute?  Thanks.  We'll let you know when you can come back.  Are they all gone?  Great.

We need to make some plans because it turns out that cats carry a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii that just might cause a mild form of zombism in humans. 

Normally a rat will avoid feline smells.  However once it has been infected the rat foolishly seeks out cat odors thus allowing an easy, if messy, way for Toxoplasma gondii to travel back into its preferred pussy breeding ground.

It doesn't stop with cats though.  Some scientists have found that this same parasite infects human cat owners and may actually change the personality of the human hosts.  Men become jealous and suspicious, women more outgoing and warm.   Doctors already warn pregnant women to forgo changing the kitty-litter because of a suspected link between Toxoplasma and schizophrenia in children.

Remember all those people who had their hands raised.  When the zombie attacks start make sure you tell your cat hair covered neighbors that they're on their own.

Hey, cat people.  You can come back now.  We were just talking about how much we like you and your cats.  Yes.  Animals that poop in the house are adorable. Really.

Zombie Trowel TechniquePrestigious Archaeology Magazine has posted research detailing evidence of a zombie outbreak in ancient Egypt near Hierakonpolis  approximately 5000 years ago.  Yes, Archaeology Magazine!  Remember their biting expose when the statue of Hadrian was unearthed at Sagalassos?  When we think of all the fun we've had reading this publication... wow.  Good times, good times.

Preliminary evidence points to the Solanum virus, as many skeletons have been unearthed sans heads.  Curious glyphs on the famous Palette of Narmer (apparently carved by the ancient scribe Steve Narmer also of Hierakonpolis) show stacked headless bodies and zombie-fighting weapons.

Archeological teams on-site are taking steps to train their people in zombie fighting techniques just in case a viable virus is unearthed.  One team member is reportedly eager to start lopping off heads, bringing great comfort to his comrades.  We'll have more information as it develops.