If You Were a Zombie tagged 'News'

College teaches skills for dealing with zombies, food-service industry.

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 10:00:00 +0100

Think of the United States' best colleges. Harvard, Princeton, College of the Canyons, MIT, Stanford. Wait, what was that middle one? Yes, COC in beautiful Sclarita, California is top of our list for this year's high school graduates. This fine school features concrete, military bunker-ish construction and interior decoration reminiscent of an industrial plant management office. But that's just a fancy bonus. This year, they're offering the class "Zombie Defense 101". Next to typing, we [...]

Nazi Zombie Raptor Outbreak Imminent, Harris K. Telemacher Nowhere in Sight

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 10:00:00 +0100

You may curse the common road worker. They delight in setting up orange cones and slowing our commute. It isn't uncommon to see a dozen surly men and the occasional beautiful woman in classy reflective vests watching with fascination as another worker stands in a hole. Add a supervisor with a clipboard and an over-enthusiastic back-hoe operator and you've go [...]

New Zombie Card, We Do Some Cleanin'

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 10:00:00 +0100

There comes a time in a web site's life when it undergoes certain... changes. The site might notice that pages which were once light and airy have now become cramped and confining. Links which once happily moved the visitor to wonderous new content start to malfunction and ads (which never actually pay off anyway) begin to sprout in t [...]

Forrest Ackerman Dead at 92, Would Have Loved to be a Zombie

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 10:00:00 +0100

Sci-Fi legend, writer, collector, producer, agent and sometime actor Forrest J. Ackerman has died at the ripe old age of 92. Ackerman was not only a fan of Sci-Fi from an early age, he actually created the term Sci-Fi after hearing an ad for a stereo system on the radio.

Ackerman was a founder of the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society and was credited with l [...]

Unload Your Shotguns, Pittsburgh-- It's Just a Zombie Fest

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:00:00 +0100

So, you live in Pittsburgh and notice zombies moaning around the neighborhood. Before you start shooting the undead, what should you do? Besides asking, "Why do I live in Pittsburgh?" you should also check your calendar.

Yes, that's right. It's time for another ill-conceived "charity" event glorifying the end of li [...]

Breaking News! Rumor! New Apple tablet patent shows product marketed for Zombie ergonomics? OMFSJ!!

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:00:00 +0100

OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhboy OMGOMFGHFMGFLAZAGMA! *gasp* Once we saw this image from a recent patent filing by Apple we had to run all the way across the IYWAZ compound to post this so we could be one of the first to spread an unconfirmed rumor about a brand new Apple Tablet and oh are we excited because as you can s [...]

Zombie Microbe Colonies Thrive in Ocean, Don't Get Much Work Done

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:00:00 +0100

For years, researchers have known about Archaea -- single-celled organisms genetically distinct from eukaryotes that thrive in the most inhospitable locations of the deep ocean. Now, scientists from Penn State have discovered zombie archaea who use such small amounts of energy that they may as well be undead.

While the av [...]

Zombie Caterpillars Conclusively Continue Care for Cocooned Killers

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:00:00 +0100

Remember those Alien movies? The Alien would lay it's eggs in the warm, nourishing belly of unsuspecting humans where they would hatch, eat their way out and chase Sigourney Weaver through progressively worse screenplays. You probably already know that this behavior (the egg-laying, not the Sigourney-chasing) was inspired by a real-life breed of w [...]

Human Pressure Cooker Prevents Zombie Transmogrification

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Mon, 12 May 2008 06:00:00 +0100

Have you had lunch yet? No? Well, finish up that bowl of chili and that chocolate milkshake before continuing. Those wacky scientists at BioSafe Engineering have come up with a fool-proof way to prevent the recently dead from becomi [...]

Zombies Glorified, Lala Makes It All Better

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 01 May 2008 06:00:00 +0100

They're at it again and it makes our blood boil. As if impending doom from the undead wasn't bad enough, the TV show "It's Alive" from Pittsburg, PA seem to think celebrating the occasion is a good idea.

Organizer Mark Menold says, "I like it when 10 people show up somewhere and just shamble around for no reason". Su [...]

Zombies, Mad Cows and You

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:12:15 +0100

Oh, that cow is pissed! Do you know why? No, it isn't because he knows how tasty he would be fried up between two pieces of bread. He's just learned that he's likely to get all zombie-like.

A new varient of bovine spongiform encephalitis (mad cow disease) is related to a disease in humans called Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.&n [...]

Cat Lovers, Prime Zombie Candidates

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 01:14:36 +0100

If you own a cat could you raise your hand? That many? Ok, could all of you just look at the cute kitty picture on the left for a minute? Thanks. We'll let you know when you can come back. Are they all gone? Great.

We need to make some plans because it turns out that cats carry a parasite called Toxop [...]

Archaeology Magazine Details Zombie Attack in Ancient Egypt

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 14:46:30 +0100

Prestigious Archaeology Magazine has posted research detailing evidence of a zombie outbreak in ancient Egypt near Hierakonpolis approximately 5000 years ago. Yes, Archaeology Magazine! Remember their biting expose when the statue of Hadrian was unearthed at Sagalassos? When we think of [...]