If You Were a Zombie tagged 'Tips'

College teaches skills for dealing with zombies, food-service industry.

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 10:00:00 +0100

Think of the United States' best colleges. Harvard, Princeton, College of the Canyons, MIT, Stanford. Wait, what was that middle one? Yes, COC in beautiful Sclarita, California is top of our list for this year's high school graduates. This fine school features concrete, military bunker-ish construction and interior decoration reminiscent of an industrial plant management office. But that's just a fancy bonus. This year, they're offering the class "Zombie Defense 101". Next to typing, we [...]

This is how the world ends-- not with zombies, but with a Bangalore and a wimper

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0100

Fighting the zombie scourge isn't all guts and glory. Sure, we spend some of our day digging trenches, sharpening crowbars and packing shotgun shells. However, just as important is our work here on the web keeping you informed about the undead menace.

This means part of our day is consumed scouring the web for zombie news, researching our awar [...]

Unload Your Shotguns, Pittsburgh-- It's Just a Zombie Fest

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:00:00 +0100

So, you live in Pittsburgh and notice zombies moaning around the neighborhood. Before you start shooting the undead, what should you do? Besides asking, "Why do I live in Pittsburgh?" you should also check your calendar.

Yes, that's right. It's time for another ill-conceived "charity" event glorifying the end of li [...]

Zombie Defense-- The Ultimate Porch

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:00:00 +0100

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If you are looking for a place to ride out the coming zombie apocalypse/ global swarming epidemic what could be better than scenic Caminito del Rey in Malaga, Spain. The path was built in 1901 for workers to transport materials in the construction of a dam but has since fallen into a state of disrepair that makes a perfect place to hide from both the undead and collection agencies. Just try to watch this video without feeling a touch of "High An [...]

Zombies, Mad Cows and You

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:12:15 +0100

Oh, that cow is pissed! Do you know why? No, it isn't because he knows how tasty he would be fried up between two pieces of bread. He's just learned that he's likely to get all zombie-like.

A new varient of bovine spongiform encephalitis (mad cow disease) is related to a disease in humans called Variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.&n [...]

Cat Lovers, Prime Zombie Candidates

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 01:14:36 +0100

If you own a cat could you raise your hand? That many? Ok, could all of you just look at the cute kitty picture on the left for a minute? Thanks. We'll let you know when you can come back. Are they all gone? Great.

We need to make some plans because it turns out that cats carry a parasite called Toxop [...]

This Zombie T-Shirt is Lying

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 18:55:30 +0100

Vertibird pointed out this t-shirt design from threadless.com. Clearly this is poorly thought out. It is well established that Zombies don't actually need to eat but just have an instinctual need to bite and infect other humans. Thankfully, Threadless has another zombie shirt that is actually useful and informative.< [...]

The Zombie Equation-- Films don't add up

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 00:00:00 +0100

Zombies are a retarded version of the Terminator. That is what makes them interesting. It makes zombies an intellectual exercise in survival against the elements.

None of the team here in the spacious IYWAZ tower is a big fan of zombie movies or excessive gore. Don't get me wrong, I can [...]

We get letters... How to care for and recognize a zombie

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 15:11:34 +0100

"Evil Girl" asks:

I am afraid that I might have a friend who has been zombie for the last 9 years at least. How long can a zombie survive if given the proper care? Is 9 years reasonable for someone to survive with no soul and no personality? Love the site, I'm finding it very helpful.

We're glad you're finding the site helpful.&n [...]

Store spreads dangerous disinformation! May be part of government plot.

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 00:00:00 +0100

"Don" from ZombieRunner.com writes: Just thought I'd say hello. A friend had sent an e-card to me from your site.Appropriate, seeing as the store we run :-)

Ok, "Don". ZombieRunner.com pretends to be a store that sells high-quality merchandise at low, low prices to long distance runners. However their name shows their real purpose-- spread disinformation about the [...]

Two more cards added--vive la resistance!

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 13:44:59 +0100

It was another hard day of fighting the undead. Lucky for you we had time to create some more cards while boarding up the windows. We didn't even lose anyone. Well, Billy was bitten, but he's just a designer-- I bet we won't be able to tell the difference.

The first is a heartwarming sentimental card pictured on the left. The second, an [...]

Keeping a zombie at home-- when you just can?t let go

comments@ifyouwereazombie.com — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 16:30:17 +0100

Note: This is the first in a continuing series of helpful tips on keeping zombies at home. Please read all warnings and consider your options carefully. Ifyouwereazombie.com does not accept any liability and offers this guide as a public service. As always, it is best to consult a certified professional.

You're a collector aren't you? You've got eve [...]